Sunday, January 26, 2014

The Work by Byron Katie

I don't know if you've heard of The Work before but it's a process where you identify issues or statements that bring you concern then you ask some questions concerning the issue at hand to identify what exactly is causing you pain and suffering then you try to find a turnaround statement that will bring you peace and hopefully happiness. It's a process to say the least but it can help.

The questions are:
1. Is it true? 
2. Can you absolutely know that it's true? 
3. What happens when you believe that thought is true?
4. Who would you be without the thought?

Next you're supposed to turn the statement around by changing the he/she/them to I, change the negatives to positives. And by no means this is supposed to be a guilt trip but it's supposed to help you  understand yourself and get you to have a positive perspective.

Turn the statement around:
A) to the self
B) to the other 
C) to the opposite

My Work:

Statement: I'm scared i will never be fully happy if we don't have children.

Is it True? Yes it's true.
 The reality is even even though people keep saying you should be happy you are an aunty or you can always adopt (as if that's a piece of cake), or you can always spoil other people's kids, i feel i will still be missing out on so much if we don't have children. Someone to teach, to entertain, to spoil. A human of our own.

Can i really know that is true? No i can't because i have no idea how i'm going to feel when i become a mommy or if i don't. Plenty of parents hate their lives, plenty of kids turn out to be a many people live in a fantasy when it comes to having children and how life is going to be with kids.

What happens when i believe the thought? Upset. Anxious. That life is not fair. I'm being denied something that is so natural and comes so easy to some people, some people who don't even appreciate the gift they are given. Angry that i even have to think this way.  Angry that i'm angry. Sometimes i resent friends, family strangers that have done nothing to cause me upset. I feel a lot of people don't understand what it's like. My heart sinks. I start keeping my distance. Very few are my friends/family who really understand my emotional mess. I'm even angry at myself and my hubs sometimes. I feel what's the point of keeping at this???

Who would i be without the thought? I don't know. We've been at this for so long that some days i lose sight of what else my life could be without this quest. i've been on a more positive track recently, pushing myself to believe that i will become a parent. No room for maybe baby.

Turning the statement around:
I will be happy and fulfilled without children. I have a good life. I have love. I have health. I have family. We will get the most out of our lives as a couple regardless of what the future will bring.

Do i truly believe the turnaround statement? i want to. I will work hard to make it happen.

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