Tuesday, December 3, 2013

At The End Of The Day All I Have Is Myself

In the course of our lives we are destined to meet a lot of people. I've met a ton, some of them i get along with, some i don't. I made friends, acquaintances, and frenemies. I was lucky enough to have met someone i feel will be my life travel buddy. I have family and extended family but some days i just can't help but feel i am alone. Not lonely, just alone. Alone in my struggles, alone in the moment, alone in what i'm feeling. Sure i spend time with a lot of friends who rub off on me, i acquire some of their mannerism, language, quirks and vice versa however when it comes down to it in all honesty i find that all we have is ourselves.



Don't get me wrong it's great to be able to lean on people and ask them to listen to us, help us solve our problems and entertain us but the problem is this gets habit forming and we end up abusing it. This happens both ways, we do it to people and people do it to us every day.

Another problem i find is that people are unreliable and unpredictable. Please don't think i'm trying to be a negative nancy but this is the way i feel. For example I may be looking to my friend for support and encouraging words but it could just so happen that on that specific day he/she is not in the mood for positivity and my feelings end up more hurt than comforted.

Some days i find the only person i can really rely on is myself and it's important to me to be comfortable with that notion; but i'm not and that makes my life even harder. I don't find happiness by myself in my own head, i like being around people even though sometimes i get hurt, accidentally or intentionally. I've been working on this side of my personality it seems forever and it's still very much a work in progress.

I need to become my own best friend and learn how to just "be". 

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