Friday, January 18, 2013

"So runs the round of life from hour to hour"


More than once i wake up thinking i just can't do this anymore, yet here i am, day after day, i still get out of bed, put my clothes on, walk out the door and go about my day. When we first started trying to conceive i thought things couldn't be that bad, true we were aware of some issues but i thought with the quantity of "practice" we were and still are doing it couldn't take much longer. But it did, and we still wait.

When we talked about going to a specialist i thought that was it, an infertility diagnosis was not something i imagined to live through but I'm still here; we're still here. Giving myself shots was definitely something i though i would never do and if i did, i for sure thought i would not survive. I'm still here. Failed IVF was the cherry on top. I'm still here. I did not vanish, i wasn't obliterated, the ground did not crack open and swallow me even though i wish it had more often than I'd like to admit.

Despite still not being able to get pregnant i wake up every day and face the day. We've been trying for what seems to be a century. We have talks, we have meltdowns, we have our ON days and our OFF days.

We're still here. Resilience is a blessing.

If there's one thing positive i can think of right now about this whole despise-able ordeal is that I'm grateful we are somehow learning how to be resilient; at least we won't t come out of this empty handed.

Circumstance

by Alfred Lord Tennyson

Two children in two neighbour villages
Playing mad pranks along the healthy leas;
Two strangers meeting at a festival;
Two lovers whispering by an orchard wall;
Two lives bound fast in one with golden ease;
Two graves grass-green beside a gray church-tower,
Wash'd with still rains and daisy-blossomed;
Two children in one hamlet born and bred;
So runs the round of life from hour to hour.

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