Monday i get a call/email/text from our case manager asking us if we are wanting to take a 2 months old Baby Boy, Baby D. I immediately got in touch with Hubby and we said yes. We were really excited. By the time the baby was placed with us it turned out the baby was only 5 weeks old. Surprise! The baby came with the PJs he was wearing, an undershirt, the green pacifier they give out at the hospital and a blanket from CPS. That's it. He was fussy, probably terrified being surrounded by new faces and new smells... But he was a doll, a beautiful beautiful baby boy.
Our case manager met us and the CPS worker at our house. We signed a whole lot of paperwork. Half an hour later we were alone with a 5 week old precious baby boy. I wish you could see his face, you would be as smitten as we were. He is as precious as they come. He has the new baby smell, gorgeous eyes and beautiful pouty lips. I can't believe a mother or father would have something so precious in their lives and would not turn their life around for the sake of this gift.
These past few days were the most amazing and most grueling few days of our lives. We were put through the ringer. The change was handled better by my husband than myself. I don't do very well on little sleep and let me tell you i looked like a zombie. First i want to apologize to all my mommy friends if i ever made an insensitive remark about anything because now i know why there are sometimes diapers on your floor and laundry on the couch. I was forgetting where i was putting things all the time, i did not have time to shower, brush my teeth or wash my face. Most new parents have 9 months to prepare and get FMLA, we did not have that luxury. Overnight having to take care of a 5 week old is not easy. Baby D is as precious as they come. He was sometimes gasy and fussy but in general he adjusted very well to a 3 hour feeding schedule. A healthy 10.5 lbs baby.
Baby D was moved last night. It was the most difficult thing i had to do. I gave him his afternoon bottle, changed him and dressed him in clean clothes. Hubby was burping him. I looked at his face and told hubby Baby D looks sad. Hubby said he probably feels something is not right cause usually after burping him we put him down for his nap but that was not the case last night.
We are so sad to see him go. We got attached to him in that short period. If i had even a small iota of doubt in my head that i would have difficulty loving or getting attached to a child that was not born from my own body that doubt was out the window the first time i held Baby D.
Right now we are taking some time to reflect on how this first experience went, what we did right and how we could have handled things differently. I don't handle stress very well and the sudden change put my stomach in chaos. I was unable to keep food down for the 3 days that we had Baby D.
Our journey to parenthood has been so difficult and we still have a long long ways to go. We are not making any drastic decisions. We want to be parents really bad and we will do our best to get to that goal. I'd like to think we were able to help a defenseless little person in a time of need. It was not easy but we are still alive. I cried so many times in the last few days my eyes hurt. Our house looks like a hurricane has been through it. Anyone who knows me knows i would gag from the mentioning of doodoo but i was able to change several several diapers without gagging even once. We learned a lot of things about ourselves and our limits. My husband was AWESOME to say the least. My sister in law and her husband sent us so many thoughtful presents i just wish Baby D stayed long enough to enjoy them. Our neighbors gave us clothes and a lot of baby items that we needed. My friend M. came over, brought dinner and tons of helpful advice. My boss and my coworkers are rock stars. Everyone around us was so supportive, we are so blessed to have great friends and family.
This was a unique experience. It was difficult but we would not trade it. This is a baby i will not forget.
|in 3 days we accumulated a suitcase full of baby items|