Thursday, July 12, 2012

Religion VS Family Values

After i finished putting together the family profile book for our adoption agency i noticed that i had not mentioned anything about religion in it. I asked the hubbs if it's weird that i just skipped religion and if i should write something for good measures. His response was, and i agree with him, "just because we are not practicing Christians it does not mean we don't have a faith or good family values".
 I don't want to get into the why i don't care to go to American churches but just in case you are wondering i feel American churches pretty much function like corporations, which is something i don't care to see in a religious establishment.
This discussion got me thinking  about our family values and what they mean to us as individuals and family unit. I believe family values are ideals that we all try to live our lives by, the invisible line that we promise ourselves and each other not to cross, the deal breakers in the relationships that we build around us.

 Consistency is important to be able to build trust so here are some that we live by even though we never outright talked about.
Sense of Belonging:
We belong with each other and i hope every person that joins our family feels the same way. We had our days of doubts the first few months when we first got married. At the first sign of anything not going my way i used to say i want to go back home. Keep in mind our first months of marriage should have been months of dating however we didn't have the luxury of time. As time went by we realized that there isn't another person we'd rather spend our time with so now we can spend days together joined at the hip or spend hours apart doing things we like but deep down we know there will always be a safe place for us to go back to... Each Other

Being Flexible:
It took me a while to get used to this since I'm a type "A planner". I'm all for the excel sheets and organizational charts; hubby is the opposite. With time i found freedom in going with the flow and letting people BE in the moment. Sometimes too much structure can be suffocating and can lead to resentment and friction.

Being Respectful and Respectable:
Respect is earned and one of the ways to earn and keep it is to initiate it by showing respect yourself . One of the things we agreed on when we got married is that we will never disrespect each other be it in private or public and that we will never call each other disrespectful names/terms no matter how heated an argument gets; and we stick to these rules. Respect is very important specially since it's something you carry around with you to school, work or any other social gathering.

You can't maintain a relationship without honesty. Honesty leads to trust, that leads to respect or lack of it... Honesty is the ground work for all future relationships. We encourage each other to be honest by being understanding of each others short comings and by being forgiving.
We all make mistakes. We can't live our lives running around judging people for every little mistake they make. You can forgive someone and still let them know that what they did was not OK. Holding back forgiveness from someone to punish them or make them feel bad is a very selfish act. Sure you have to choose your battles and sometimes forgiving is hard but in my opinion forgive and move on so everyone can lead a happier life.
Unconditional Love/Generosity:
When family members know that your feeling of love and care for them are not related to anything they do or don't do it gives them a sense of worth. They will trust you and trust themselves. Being generous is not all about material stuff. Be generous with your love, and definitely be generous with your time.
Reaching to a place in your relationship where you feel you can communicate to your partner all your feelings, hopes, dreams, fears knowing that you will not be judged and ridiculed is a major milestone. I'm amazed at couples that find it hard to be themselves around each other. Hubby and i act around each other as if we are by ourselves. We don't embellish. Inner peace is found so much easier when you can communicate your thoughts and needs without feeling the need to scream. We are always working on our communicating and listening skills. 

I know there are many many more ideals and values but these are just a few that come to mind. Feel free to share yours. 

1 comment:

  1. Those are great and important values to make a relation succeed, this is what makes you and JJ a wonderful couple ;) thanks for sharing those crucial thoughts.
    Love, Rita.