Thursday, May 31, 2012
changing old habits
today one of my brothers shared with the whole family a bunch of old pictures from when we were kids. he took the time to scan them all and it was such a nice gesture that meant the world to us. one of the pictures was of me maybe at the age 2 standing on a chair by the virgin Mary. as i stared at that version of me it hit me (again) that i may never see a little combo made out of my husband's and my genes. i know it probably may sound a little selfish to put it that way but in all honesty most of us girls grow up being brainwashed that when you grow up you will one day get married and have children so we have come to expect it and it's so saddening to feel that that's one fantasy that may never come true; at least not in the way i dreamt about for years. this being at peace with the way things are is really hard work. my husband wants me to stay grounded so every time i to ask him "hey babe, do you think this time next year there may be a little person sharing the house with us?" he shakes his head and says "don't do this to yourself, just let things unfold as they may". i'm always grateful that my husband is such a positive person, i don't think i could have come this far without him.